And so another man broke my heart. I'm assuming this means another six sessions with my therapist, once I decide i'm deserving of healing, of course. The only silver lining is that this boy didn't cloud my heart nearly as much as the last one did or the one before him. They all treat me the same though, badly, with no regard for my heart. They stamp on it as if walking away from me isn't enough. They like to feel their feet as they leave and im so fucked at this point. I have footprints on my heart and their only purpose is identifiability for the next man to show him im easily hurt. I must stink of attachment issues and naive trust. My eyes show nothing but stupidity and I think thats why they love it when I stare up at them.

These men have broken me one by one. I asked to be ruined and they obliged , grinning and smiling with excitement and you know the worst part? the bit i can only admit in writing is when these men break me, I mourn you again. I think of you and how I never loved them the same way. I think how if it were you instead of them, I wouldnt even bat an eyelid. I would let you treat me however you like as long as it meant you wouldnt leave again because if I knew which butterfly was flapping its wings that caused you to leaveand cause the mass extinction in my stomach, I would spent years inventing time travel just to go back and pull each wing off in the hopes that it may mean you stay with me. I am in many pieces right now as it would be I can assure you all i need , all i want is a hug, preferably from you. My new therapist will probably say that its silly, maybe it is, but God I wont stop hoping for it